


blue dial

by limeli



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: 90s AU, M/M, Relationship? Friendship? That'll be for you to decide this time., This is a pretty self-indulgent and last-minute fic I've decided to write., long distance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-23
Updated: 2021-01-23
Packaged: 2021-03-14 20:29:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,482
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28926573
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/limeli/pseuds/limeli
Summary: Every day, Armin would make a stop at the nearest phone booth, wishing for more than he could have.
Relationships: Armin Arlert/Jean Kirstein
Comments: 6
Kudos: 17





	blue dial

**Author's Note:**

> Lots of dialogue and almost no descriptions. Sorry about that, but when I said this is self-indulgent, I truly meant it.
> 
> Hope you enjoy.

There was a day when Armin didn’t complain, and he didn’t know why.

Rubbing small circles on his chest, right on top of his heart, he wondered what had been so reassuring that left him empty-minded for once. Dreaming of far-off lands, all those other places he pictured himself discovering one day, all the new flavors he’d taste just for the sake of knowing kept him expectant. He wanted to know, but he didn’t know what exactly. Having turned the circles into ovals, he felt his hand stop just so he could look at the soft and steady fingers that awaited below his face.

He was often one to turn a good day’s mood into the worst nightmare. Not for everyone else, of course, but himself only. It almost was like he was already used to the mechanics of self-sabotage, but he didn’t mind. It was a vice he found hard to get rid of. There were only just a few times he would bother realizing and questioning his age-old habits, just to push any reasoning out of the way in light of issues he found temporarily more relevant than his own sanity.

It was a cycle. He felt bad, and there was something homey about his negativity. He could dwell on it for days, months – even years when he’d tried. It had never mattered to him because, when it all would be bad enough, was there any chance for it to get worse?

“You’re stupidly smart,” Jean had said once. At processing the first sounds of such a concise statement, Armin had laughed in return, not saying much.

Armin gave it his all to go back to the cycle. He started cursing himself for not washing the dishes or helping Eren out on his Maths assignment. He processed all his actions of the day just to arrive at conclusions that would suffice just to regain what, to him, was natural.

But that day he didn’t complain was repeated throughout the month unexplainably.

“I need help,” Armin said through the phone, holding the heavy metallic object in his hands as he checked the minutes that were left for them to talk. Finding out that the handset’s teal paint was already cracking, he refrained from running his nails over it.

“What?” A voice – _his_ voice said through the phone, and though one word was none at all, Armin could already make meaning of that wobbly sound followed by the short other two. Holding his hand to his chest again, he breathed in as if there had been some kind of secret to share.

“Remember I go on these self-hatred sprees for days on end?”

“Yeah,” the other boy’s voice was interfered with by white noise, sounding distorted as usual. Still, Armin paid no mind to it – They were already used to not even being able to hear each other properly, but that was just enough for the time being. “Tell me about it.”

“Well,” Armin stopped to consider how he would break the news. Maybe, in his head, there was a possibility that he would ruin everything by the mere observation of a change in behavior from his part. Shaking his head, feeling somewhat ridiculous, he decided to continue. There was no way the other would even question him anyway. “It’s been 24 hours without me going through that, Jean.”

“No shit,” the sigh came from the other side of the line while Armin looked for another coin in his pockets or anything of the sort that would guarantee him he’d be able to make the most out of such a short phone call with his friend. Best friend, soulmate – that was not the moment to think of such terms that added an actual pressure to the situation at hand. “How’s that feel?”

“Do you really want me to expand in three minutes?”

“I don’t mind. I’d rather hear from you,” Jean’s second sigh came from the other side of the line like a hurricane and, for a second, Armin thought the strong winds of it had made his brain turn upside down. With his blue eyes still fixated on the monochromatic digital screen as the seconds became minutes, he gulped down the thought that suddenly ran through his mind.

“Are you alright? It’s okay if you wanna talk about something else. Not all our calls are supposed to be about me, you know?”

“Don’t change the subject,” Jean whined through the line, probably putting on a face he still longed to watch by himself, taking in his scrunched nose or the wrinkles that would appear on his forehead whenever he felt like judging something. “Armin.”

“Okay, okay. Well, I don’t know what you expect me to explain. I just felt different today.”

“Different how?” Jean pushed, and though Armin had already grown accustomed to their dynamics and how dry his replies sounded at times, he smiled to himself, leaning his head onto the cabin’s glass door.

“Good different,” Armin declared with something similar to a couple of butterflies circling his insides in an aimless tour to freedom. Finding it in him to be more open towards his interlocutor, he started tapping his right foot anxiously just to get the words out. “I mean. I’m not sure.”

“There you go again,” came the short yet effective response embodied in a tone of voice that could only let Armin know that Jean was suppressing something – most likely a smile.

“Alright,” Armin whispered in return, his eyes widening as he realized they had wasted most of their scarce time together just talking about him. Looking down, he let his mind wander for a second as they stayed in silence until he decided to put some closure to the topic he’d decided to bring up. “It’s good. It is. It’s… kind of appreciated to experience something new. Refreshing.”

When Armin heard Jean hum through the phone, he felt it was his own turn to let go of the air he’d contained out of habit. Lately, it felt like their calls just consisted of Jean asking him random questions just for the sake of knowing him better, while Armin just stored all the air in his lungs and stomach until he couldn’t hold it in anymore.

“You deserve nothing less,” Jean answered immediately, though every second that passed felt like the blink of an eye to the shy overthinker. “Hm. I can feel your silence from here, and that’s saying a lot considering I’ve never even met you.”

“When did you get so perceptive and…” _Patient? Polite? Compassionate? No._

“Overall perfect?” _Yes_. “Guess that’s what you get for having me.”

But not the way he wanted.

“Sometimes, I don’t understand how I have so much patience towards everything you say,” Armin bit back a smile, yet he couldn’t help the almost imperceptible giggle that escaped from his lips.

“You know you don’t necessarily have to.”

“You know I want to,” Armin whispered, just for the two of them to hear though he knew no words could possibly have any effect on the other boy. “More than anything.”

“So what are we doing tomorrow?” 30 seconds left.

“I don’t know. How about you watch that movie I recommended?”

“Yeah. I will. If I don’t, you can just kick my ass,” Jean laughed heartily as he answered to his prompt but stopped in the act. “Well. I know you would if you could.”

“I certainly wouldn’t, Je-” Armin laughed back, but when the extremely cold, unnecessarily inhuman _beep, beep, beep_ sounded through the phone line, he let his head fall in defeat as the small cubicle became as mute as the source of the sounds it’d been kept away from the rest of the world. So much for instant communication.

There had been a day when Armin hadn’t complained. By the time his slender fingers found a coin that would be enough to lengthen their talk for 30 seconds more, he knew why.

“Hello? You there, Armin?”

Closing his eyes as if he’d been about to fall from a cliff for the millionth time, he spoke with his clearest voice just for the other to hear.

“I love you, Jean.”

“And I love you, too. Come on, isn’t it time for you to go home already?”

Feeling his heart get bigger and bigger, asphyxiatingly so, Armin took one more look at the screen that displayed the 10 seconds left that were there before saying his goodnights. Deciding to go for a different phrase that night, he opened his mouth to say, “Couldn’t leave without reminding you that you’ll have to show me around Germany someday.”

“I know,” Jean replied, and though Armin wasn’t sure about whether he would ever leave his side of the world to finally join the other, he had something to hold on to when Jean’s raspy morning voice said at five seconds, “And I will.”


End file.
